In couples caresses are important, just like communication, respect or freedom. Everything adds up and everything makes a relationship satisfactory and fills us one hundred percent. Caresses, hugs, gestures of affection They are essential for the development of any human being. Growing up in an environment in which love is also shown with gestures and not just with words is key to later carrying a healthier and happier affective life.
There are people who find it difficult to say “I love you” and there are also others who find it difficult to show with gestures how much they love their partner. Showing feelings and emotions is not easy on some occasions and everything is often given by our own personality, but also by the education we have received or what we have seen in our home since we were little.
this sometimes prevents showing affection without fear of rejection and without an erroneous and unfounded feeling of a possible vulnerability or fragility. These people are sometimes colder than the other member of the couple would like and it is important to understand why he behaves that way or how we can help him get out of that shell in which he may be locked up.
Why are caresses important?
Not all of us need the same dose of caresses or at the same moments. From the most rational point of view, we can talk about a chemical issue. Yes, when someone shows us affection, he gives us a warm hug or a sincere caress, our brain secretes oxytocin, known as the happiness hormone. These gestures make us feel better, relieved if we are going through a bad moment or happier next to the person who gives it to us.
But without a doubt, the most relevant thing when talking about caresses is the emotional level. When we fall in love, we like to be close to that person, touch him, kiss him, make him feel good. The phases of love are complex and it is not the same when a relationship has just begun as when they have lived together and loved each other for years.
Sometimes We think that saying “I love you” to the other is enough, but we must not say it alone, it is also good to show it with this type of gesture. What’s more, surely many times you have felt more comforted or loved when someone has given you a hug than with a thousand words. There the caresses appear in the foreground and are vital for a relationship to go well for longer.
We are not talking about moments of intimacy or at the level of sexual relations, but of affectionate caresses throughout the relationship that they make us feel that confidence, that tranquility and that love that cannot be explained with words. Closeness and complicity favor stronger bonds and feed love and, therefore, also the relationship.
And if this seems little to you, you should know that caresses are a good factor for reduce stress levels. This happens because when someone really caresses us, blood cortisol levels drop, which causes us to relax and lower anxiety or stress. Even after an argument or a moment of discrepancy with our partner, a single gesture of affection can solve the situation because it makes us feel calm and loved.
What is the law of economy of strokes?
It was two decades ago when the French psychologist Claude Steinerfrom his clinical observations in the practice of psychotherapy and influenced by his teacher Eric Berne, built a theory that he called ‘The stroking economy‘, which talks about the effects that growing up in abundance or scarcity of recognition or gestures of affection exerts on a person.
In this regard, we can talk about the law of abundance of caresses, which is made up of five keys that we will explain below:
– Give positive caresses. This consists of knowing when the other person needs a gesture of affection, a hug or a caress and what type of affectionate gesture is needed. Observe and give that caress at that moment, neither before nor after, to respect her situation and her freedom.
– See you the one who asks for them. Sometimes we wait for another person to approach or have to know when we need a gesture of affection. Do not wait for the other to do it and tell him if you really need it. As we always say, communication is essential in a relationship and you should never be ashamed of asking for affection. It will not make you more vulnerable or less strong, it will only be a way of showing that you are going through a moment in which a gesture like this can help you. Asking for help is never a negative thing.
– Accept caresses. Those positive caresses help us feel better and encourage us to have a stronger self-esteem. If you notice that another person wants to show you their affection like this, from freedom and respect, accept it and say thank you, or simply tell them that perhaps it is not the time, but always thank them for trying to be kind if they have done it from the heart and for you, not selfishly to feel better.
– Put aside negative caresses. Yes, there are also destructive caresses or that do not contribute anything to your state of mind. We must know how to set limits and say no when we don’t feel like receiving that caress. No one can force us to do anything, let alone receive a gesture of this type, which should always be something positive and not ‘forced’.
– Be gentle with yourself. When we go through a bad time, we like to have the people we love by our side, but sometimes it is worth remembering that we ourselves are unique and the ones who are going to make ourselves feel the best. Accept that you are not infallible, that you make mistakes and that you can suffer and rise from the ashes. Admit your flaws without beating yourself up or devaluing yourself, laugh at yourself and make small gestures that make you feel good, from a scent to listening to a song or reading a book you like.
Source: Vozpópuli by www.vozpopuli.com.
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