When you think you can only react in one way, you know you are wrong: In communication you always have these SIX available options

This text aims to show at least 6 possible different reactions in any situation. Since we are talking about the communication model of the ego state from transactional analysis, it is necessary to first briefly explain the concept of ego state.

Filip Stojković, psychological counselor, psychotherapist

Ego is usually defined as that part of the psychic structure that we say “it is me”, ego is a Greek word that literally means “I”.

Ego states are the ways in which the ego manifests. The picture above presents a structural model of the ego state, with the ego state of the Parent, the ego state of the Adult and the ego state of the Child.

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We are in the ego state of the Parent when we feel, think or act like some important people (parents, teachers, authorities), we are in the ego state of the Child when we feel, think or behave the way we did when we were children, and in the ego state Adults are when our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are consistent with the here and now situation, regardless of earlier periods of development, authorities, or some learned pattern.

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Therefore, when we act in such a way that we evaluate, criticize, nurture, we say that we are “in the Parent”, when we have fun, defy or adapt, we say that we are “in the Child”, and when we process information, we decide and observe realistically, then we are , in Adult ”. Thus we come to the communication model of the ego state shown in the figure below.

Structural diagram, Filip Stojković

Each of these ego states is one of the ways we can say something, which means we can say the same thing in at least six different ways. This gives us more opportunities to communicate better.

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When the boss addresses the employee in a serious tone and with the words, “Colleague, it is really wrong not to do your job the way I expect you to.” The employee, knowing the communication model of the ego state, can first conclude that the boss addressed him from the ego state. and he can respond to it from any of his ego states.

Filip Stojković

Criticizing Parent: “First, don’t address me in that tone, and second, your expectations are too high.”

Nurturing Parent: (in a gentle and worried tone), “Boss, I see that this really shook you. Let me first help you calm down so you don’t get sick. “

Adults: “I see my mistakes. How can I make up for the damage I have done to this project? ”

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Free child: (in an annoyed voice), “Boss, let’s have a coffee, and then we’ll take care of all this.”

Adapted child: (sadly), “Excuse me, please, this will not happen again.”

Defiant child: (with a rebellious look), “It’s as if those mistakes are so important.”

The goal of this example is to show that we have more options when we think that communication with someone is at a dead end.

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Depending on what we want to achieve and what is the style of communication of our interlocutor, we can use some of the ego states that are available to us.

In that way, we will strengthen our communication skills, and the relationship with others can be of better quality and more pleasant.

Source: Sito&Rešeto by www.sitoireseto.com.

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