We asked the author of the show “Dad, you’re crazy” how to be a GOOD FATHER today
In a traditional environment such as ours, the role of the father has long been the role of the one who is the head of the family, the one who “knows best” and who often makes decisions instead of other family members. On the other hand, things like upbringing, school, children’s obligations were among the duties of mothers, who tried to protect their fathers from the everyday “stresses” of parenthood. However, it seems that this has changed among the younger generations and that now fathers actively and gladly participate not only in the upbringing but also in the daily obligations and everyday life of their children.
According to Mišo Stojiljković, psychologist, journalist and author of the show “Dad, you are crazy”, this can be seen with the naked eye on the streets of Belgrade, and he hopes that it will be the same in other cities in Serbia. “This is confirmed by research conducted by sociologists from the Faculty of Philosophy in Belgrade in the last five or six years in our country. Their interpretation is that men are increasingly building their identity around parenthood because it has been shown that the two traditional and centuries-old pillars of male identity – work and marriage – can easily be lost in the 21st century. But it seems to me that it is not only these threatening losses that motivate men to turn to parenthood. I think that there is an authentic need for them to express themselves and define themselves in a different way in relation to the generation of their fathers and the previous generation. Hence the desire to be more in the lives of their children and to dedicate themselves more to them. At least that’s how I see it. “, says Stojiljkovic.
A special challenge for parents is how to cope and raise children in this “digital era” and situations they have not encountered before, such as violence on the Internet (cyber bulling) or addiction to mobile phones, and according to Misha, life on the networks is new to all of us and we all learn on the go and adapt, including parenting skills. “So, we, the parents, must constantly learn and follow all current events.
We live in an age in which, for the first time in history, the transfer of knowledge does not go exclusively from parents to children, but now we can also learn from them.
“I mean a lot of things that come from cyberspace. On the other hand, we adults are still the ones who need to interpret and explain to children what is behind some behaviors on the networks and we should be their guides through the emotional and cognitive aspects of cyberspace. The fact that we learn about it along the way – makes the whole thing very interesting. Sometimes, to be honest, it is very difficult, but such cards are dealt to us“, Notes Stojiljković.
One of the sentences that is often heard in Serbian society is the assessment that a man in his thirties is “immature to be a father” (while women in those years wonder what they have been waiting for so far). Stojiljkovic says that this is one of the things that cannot be generalized.
“Someone is mature and ready at 19, and someone at 39. There are also those who never grow up [smeh]. Of course, I exclude all those men and women who want to become parents but cannot for psychophysical, health reasons. I know some men who became fathers at the end of high school and who did great at it. Once, family and parenthood were even a way out of the world of crime, which he fell into at the age of 15 and ended up in a juvenile prison. I, on the other hand, became a father at the age of 37 and I have a lot of friends who had children at similar ages. There is a noticeable difference in ‘biology’. Still, in your 20s, it is easier for you to sleep less and chase after children, bend down, squat, jump, etc., but, on the other hand, it is easier to experience when you are a little older and have some life experience of your own. ”, explains our interlocutor.
The previous year turned the lives of all of us upside down, and working from home was a special challenge for parents. As Stojiljković says, one thing is for sure – it was difficult for everyone, both children and parents.
“There is information that there was more domestic violence, but there are also those who enjoyed the opportunity to be more with their family, if they worked from home. If some fathers have started to do more homework with their children and, in general, to spend more time with them, that is great for children and parents, but also for the whole society, because when you are more with your family, you have a lot it is difficult and, finally, pointless to raise your hand to your wife and children. And that is a fact that has been confirmed by research on literally all continents and in all cultures. “ he says.
More and more fathers have a dilemma how to be successful at work and dedicate themselves to work tasks, and on the other hand, how to spend enough quality time with family and “not miss” them for beautiful and valuable moments together. Stojiljkovic believes that the situation has changed significantly in relation to the 20th century and all previous centuries. He admits that reconciling work and parenting is still a bigger challenge for women, who are still under much greater pressure, but it seems to him that more and more men want to share all the burden equally with their partners.
According to him, it is enough to dedicate at least 15 minutes a day, but completely, to playing with children, and that will have a positive effect on them and the parents themselves.
In his show “Dad, you’re crazy”, dedicated to fathers and parenthood (whose first series was recently completed, and which can be watched on YouTube), Miša Stojiljković hosted a large number of foreigners who talked about models of education in their countries. In his opinion, it is important for children to experience that they are part of the wider community and in that sense he prefers our model, in which grandparents, aunts, uncles, uncles are present in children’s lives. In this way, children get to know different psychological types of people and learn more about the world and relationships in it, and it is much easier for parents when they can rely on the support they have in mind and the “safety net” of relatives, neighbors and friends.
“Regardless of the ‘model’ of parenting, the most important thing is for children to feel wanted, loved and to have a secure support and a secure base in their parents, but also to be able to openly express all their feelings – both positive and negative. And it is important that they have something called the optimal level of frustration in psychology, and that in the most literal sense means that they cannot always get everything they want and that they have to face the limits, because that is very important for later life.“, Concludes our interlocutor.
Source: BIZlife store
Source: BIZlife by www.bizlife.rs.
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