This is the 5 most common reasons for lack of desire

There can be a number of reasons why, temporarily or even permanently, the number of sexes in a relationship decreases. This is natural when life events occur when sex is clearly not the first thing that comes to mind after waking up in the morning. For example, if we are sick or in the middle of an overloaded exam period, it is understandable that sex is not the most important thing in our lives.

It indicates trouble if it becomes permanent. We’ve already healed or passed the exam, but we still feel like our teeth are being pulled when we think we need to “be fulfilled” in the bedroom.

Lack of desire is often accompanied by the disappearance of intimacy from the relationship. Touches cease, hugs and conversations also become thinner. If we do talk to each other, only the most necessary information is exchanged. Who takes the kids to a special class or that it’s time to change the washing machine. There is no more talk of dreams, desires, plans.

And that already means that the distance between the two parties has begun. If we do not notice it in time or do not deal with it, and just wave, like Mr Pató Pató, that “come on it yet”, sooner or later the whole relationship will fall apart. Entering a third party or the distance will be to such an extent that indifference appears, which is a sure sign that the relationship is dying. And from here it is very difficult to turn back”Writes a Kriszta Round is a sexual therapist.

The most common phrases you can hear from couples living in a sexless marriage are:

“I don’t feel like a woman because I’m unable to have a vaginal orgasm.”

Thanks to good old Freud, a significant proportion of women develop frustration because they are “only” capable of clitoral orgasm. They think there is something wrong with them because they have not yet experienced a vaginal orgasm and are trying to achieve it convulsively. The bad news is that the more they want, the farther they get from it.

It was Freud who distinguished between vaginal (vaginal) and clitoral (clitoral) orgasm. However, according to the current view of science, even in the case of a vaginal orgasm, the stimulus hits the clitoris, not just the visible part of the acorn, but a certain point on the stem of the clitoris, which is located close to the wall of the vagina. (Read what the facts are and what misconceptions live in the public consciousness about vaginal and clitoral orgasms!)

“I don’t want sex, I have to constantly block my husband’s approach.”

Many women complain that during the years of the relationship, their interest in intimate moments has quite diminished. There can be several reasons why a woman does not want sex. Family patterns, relationship problems, or bad experiences with previous partners have a negative impact on a woman’s libido.

It is also a common reason that women are unable to express what they really want. They are unable to talk about their sexual fantasies or dare not say no to a situation that is uncomfortable for them. So they tend to tolerate it in silence and think, “let’s get over it as soon as possible,” or block it and “start” a headache. It can even be a real headache. The woman rejects coexistence so much that it produces psychosomatic symptoms. She really feels bad, she really feels pain.

In this case, the primary, primary cause must be sought and remedied. The relationship problem needs to be addressed, inhibitions and negative patterns need to be resolved. The woman must learn to ask and express her desires. It doesn’t go overnight. Partner patience and understanding are essential to change.

“I can’t satisfy my partner. I’m ashamed to admit, but I have an erectile dysfunction. ”

Most men struggle with performance problems such as erectile dysfunction and / or premature ejaculation for longer or shorter periods of their lives. This is when faith in one’s own masculinity usually shakes men. “What is it that doesn’t work for me?” They ask themselves the question. When they first face a failure in bed, it often triggers anxiety to such an extent that the next time they are already afraid of the anxiety itself, and this causes another failure. Anxiety breeds new and even stronger anxiety, and the man gets into a vicious spiral that pulls him down and down, both his performance and self-esteem, and thus his quality of life. He would rather avoid intimate moments than “run into” another failure.

In the case of premature ejaculation, it can also be a problem that the female partner does not reach orgasm. Constant dissatisfaction can frustrate him, and to avoid this, he rather blocks the man’s approach.

The goal in this case is for the man to regain control over his penis. With different techniques – such as in the case of premature ejaculation, the stop-start technique or the compression technique, while in the case of erectile dysfunction e.g. using various imaginative techniques – this is well remedied.


“My partner is unwilling to try anything new. Our sex life is boring. ”

After many years, when we already know all the vibrations of our couple, even their unspoken thoughts, it is only natural that we desire some novelty. The bedroom is no exception. The trouble starts there when only one party wants to try new things and bring some excitement into sex life and the other stiffly refuses from them.

The aim in this case is to bring the two sides closer to their positions. One let go of your expectations and the other of your resistance and meet somewhere in the middle

“Ever since our baby was born, sex has been a disaster.”

It is only natural for the mother to focus on the baby after giving birth and her needs are paramount for her. New tasks, constant readiness, a novel life situation, and the stress of whether we are doing everything well enough are thoroughly distracting us from functioning as women, not just as mothers.

However, after the first few months, let’s find out about our femininity again. No matter how strenuous it is, take off the outstretched warmer, wash your hair, dress nicely and concentrate on our couple for just 1-2 hours. It is important to be consciously prepared and mentally prepared for the changed situation even before the baby is born.

I created a questionnaire (You can fill it out here.) Where respondents cited the birth of a child as the third most common reason why desire waned from their relationship. Only a stressful, overworked lifestyle and physical illness received a higher percentage of votes. 100% of these respondents have not been able to change the situation since then!

Source: Napidoktor by

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