If you were to draw a picture of heartbreak, it would be a lump in the area of the diaphragm and heart. A lump that makes it difficult to breathe, even paralyzes it, when the pain of being abandoned freezes thinking and doing everything. Why, why, why… Breathe!
In the same area, the regions of the heart have previously felt light when love ignited. My head has been in the clouds, as the saying goes.
When the chosen one of the heart has been gone, the longing has made the insides cramp. What if he doesn’t come back? And all this because the control center of the brain regulates both the emotional life and the involuntary nervous system.
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In the light of current knowledge, the functioning of the brain explains what kind of mental disorder love is. The condition resembles dependence, addiction, at least in its initial stages. When a loved one says love off, a serious state of deficiency follows.
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One has suddenly been left without the closeness and goodness that comes from another. Even if there was friction and conflict in the relationship, the state of deficiency destabilizes with its severity.
Take a bed rest when you feel like it
The everyday French language includes the expression maladie d’amour, which refers to sadness and sickness due to the loss of love. If someone raised in French culture misses an arranged meeting, “love sickness” is enough as a reason.
Let the person suffering from it focus on taking care of themselves, even while on bed rest.
In Vaaranen’s opinion, it should be so, because being abandoned can be a severe shock. Without a thorough treatment of the matter, it may never be completely healed.
In Finland, not much importance has been given to heartache. Here, life on the whole is so tinged with melancholy that love sorrows go among other sorrows. If a map of Europe were made based on mental moods, the Finns would be placed on the eastern edge. Its cultural tradition includes the feeling that something has to be lived without.
There’s always plenty to miss: lost land, youth, an opportunity to correct a mistake, love…
The explanation helps out of the tragedy
The situation of the left is tragic. Especially if he has been rejected without a proper explanation. The one left should demand from his spouse justifications that will help him to move forward in life. Without a proper explanation, the emotional life can remain in the flesh and blood in the end. Time does not heal, despite what is commonly claimed.
Light explanations do not help, such as “I love you, but I have to leave for my own sake…” The person left needs a real compelling reason, because it is difficult for him to understand that the emotional bond between two people who love each other would be broken because the other needs space.
The leaver should honestly say that he no longer loves or wants his spouse. Or that he doesn’t feel well in the union or longs for a different kind of togetherness or feels that he will be left in the shadow of his spouse… The truth.
Finding out the cause helps the person left behind to get back on their feet faster. Without an answer, he is easily left hanging on his questions. You endlessly wonder what you did wrong, why you didn’t see the problems in the relationship or take care of them, why the other didn’t say anything or even hinted..? A clear explanation puts the mind at ease, and the brain’s hormonal activity gradually evens out.
Seen in the brain, felt in the heart
When love breaks, the production of hormones in the brain drifts into a new state. The emotional life falters, which can be felt concretely as pain or arrhythmias in the heart region.
Sometimes the pain is severe and sudden. The shock-induced heart attack has a name, the Takotsubo phenomenon. It is triggered by a stress reaction, which can come from, for example, the death of a loved one, an accident, an argument or intense competition.
The attack resembles a heart attack, but does not cause similar damage to the heart.
The hormonal storm in the brains of lovers has been clarified with magnetic resonance imaging. A bunch of hormones are churning in the brain of the newly in love.
1. Dopamine: pleasure hormone, increases enthusiasm and also heart rate.
2. Noradrenaline: stress hormone, increases alertness and produces pleasure.
3. Cortisol: stress hormone, has a wide impact on metabolism and alertness.
4. Serotonin: satisfaction hormone, makes you want more good things. A person in love can go into such overdrive that it is difficult to sleep. The emotional surge caused by dopamine in particular is also part of drug addiction. Passionately falling in love evokes a similar feeling of dependence.
In a long relationship, they make it easier oxytocin and vasopressin, which are considered attachment hormones. They bind and strengthen social ties.
Expert: Heli Vaaranen, leading expert, psychotherapist, Väestöliitto.
This article has appeared in Hyvä tervey magazine. As a subscriber, you can read all issues free of charge from the digilehdet.fi service.
Source: Hyvä Terveys by www.hyvaterveys.fi.
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