THE DEATH OF MARRIAGE IN THREE STEPS: How She and He Enter Into Dark Darkness by Entering into Marriage

Some believe that getting married is just signing a “plain paper”. Some just think that marriage is different from an extramarital union for “plain paper”. As ordinary as the mentioned paper is, it is unusual how many are afraid of it. Or it is not, because – life very vividly shows that the relationship between two people changes a lot after marriage.

The experience of working with married couples shows the following: it is easiest for many to suffer for a very long time and not work at all. If you take a closer look, you will see that people function the same or similar in other areas of life: health is not maintained until it is seriously endangered or lost, work is done until doing work does its thing, friends are not called and they are not there until there is no more time – and the same is only less.

Marina Drobnjaković, dipl. psychologist and psychotherapeutic counselor

But, about (dys) functioning in other and other areas of life on another occasion. The lines of this column are for thinking about the “killers” of the average marriage. Well, let’s get to the point!

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With marriage, the life of the average man remains the same or gains in quality. The same remains if the wife of a given man continues to care for him as much as his mother took care of him.

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He gets the quality of life of a man whose wife tries to surpass his mother – in every possible sense.

Wedding photo created by senivpetro - www.freepik.com
Freepik.com’s photo

The life of the average woman, on the other hand, does not remain the same with marriage, nor does it gain in quality. Only single women and married men have time for themselves. The life of a girl and a single woman can in no way be compared to the life of a married woman.

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The latter, of course, does not mean that life in marriage and parenthood is the most difficult and demanding life in the world. It’s not.

There are other, equally demanding and demanding organizations of living. However, what free women and married men can do unhindered – married women can only do with countless distractions.

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The average man is married, I would say, usually only married bachelors. He is free to go and come when he wants and convince that he can: from work or travel, from socializing.

He is free to wait for lunch or dinner, clean laundry or ironed clothes. He is free not to hear, “turns off”, forgets and promises to do so.

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He is free to lie down or “stare” at his mobile phone all day. To leave everything related to the house and children to his wife, not to think about anything related to the house and children.

He is free to rest from the day spent at work until going to bed – and after going to sleep from resting from the working day. Freed from everything, he is free to be free.

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Compared to the average married man, the average married woman lives the life of a divorced woman – married. There is no emotional, no sexual, no partner in caring for children.

She must be able to do everything on her own – because her partner can’t do anything, that is. chosen with a partner does not choose to share. Again, married divorcees in most cases choose to stay married, even though it is the way it is.

Wedding photo created by freepic.diller - www.freepik.com
Freepik.com’s photo

If the average married man runs away from what is private somewhere chose to live, then it is a job and (or) a mistress, or more of them. Every other married woman, it seems to me, waits every day for a husband who never comes from somewhere.

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Isn’t it extremely incomprehensible that many people choose with great difficulty what no one forces them to choose ?! And even if someone pressures and forces you to do something – (you know that) you can refuse.

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Many married men who do not earn much “work” a lot. Those from whom wives earn (much) more also “work” a lot. Those who earn a lot also work a lot, but the question is how fulfilling and really beautiful life is with any of those men.

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If it was and there are no problems, I would not hear about the many marital problems from married clients I work with, who usually tell me that they have problems that “all other married women have as well.”

Unfortunately, many married fathers believe that it is enough to support the family and contribute financially. Many believe that the house and children are the obligation and responsibility of a woman, and that it is up to them to “put money on the table”.

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Many married fathers think that their only parental task is to play with their children. That it is only up to them to be relaxed and smiling with their children. And many married fathers criticize their wives who are not relaxed and smiling enough with their children. Do they ever wonder how it is and why ?!

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Many married women, on the other hand, become and remain just moms. As to his children, so to his wives. Many choose a business that easily fits into the family and private. Many sacrifice and subordinate business to family, voluntarily but also under pressure.

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And many married women are, unfortunately, “calm” only when they hold all the strings in their hands. A married father sometimes does not want to, and sometimes, in addition to his wife, he fails to win space for active participation in parenthood.

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Suma sumarum, as long as a married woman and mother are content to give her a husband helps (instead of responsibilities from him) – will not help them. Can you even imagine the reverse of things: a scenario in which everything is up to the married father – and his wife helps? Of course you can’t.

Foto Cayton Heath

Almost every married woman I worked with was eager for a nice time spent with her husband. Almost everyone told me she wanted (romantic) walks and trips with him.

Going to the cinema, theaters, cafes and restaurants. Neither said she wanted to more of that, because none of those pleasures existed at all. On the other hand, the wives of the same women were completely uninterested in the same.

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They were “tired” of the very thought of dealing with these things and philosophizing about spending their free time.

The average married man is more than satisfied with the most ordinary life in the relationship between home and work, in which it is up to him to just go to work and return from work.

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Some of the aforementioned men have mistresses or “only” regular extramarital affairs and that explains them.

Less clear are those who do not find on the side what they need, and they will not get anything special from marriage – except to have children (who are taken care of by a woman) and a wife (who cooks, washes, irons, cleans and takes care of children).

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It is almost unbelievable how many people live patiently and persistently, as if they have to. It’s almost unbelievable how many people don’t even try to enjoy and live.

The man described by the rows above the women is, of course, regularly complained about. He communicates his feelings, needs and desires, and calls for change, but – nothing happens. At best, the man says he will run and try to set aside time – but nothing happens.

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In the worst case, the man does not say anything about the woman’s complaints and does nothing about them. As it turns out first or second, the woman begins to repeat herself to the point of meaningless sounding. Thus, the couple, without even noticing, finds themselves in a vicious circle from which they cannot get out.

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The average married woman ignores or forgets the fact that no one, not even her husband, needs to repeat anything to faint. If she thinks and feels that it is necessary – she doesn’t even know how important what she thinks about her husband and the relationship with him is indirect.

Once you see what makes it harder and just retaliates, you know what it’s like to stop doing it. To stop doing means to refrain from doing, no matter how hard it is to be tempted and not do as before / automatically.

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With a person with whom there has never been happiness – there will never be happiness. As hard as it is to accept that it is so, it is better than not accepting the truth in any way.

Be or not be with your chosen partner. If you choose the good and the best for yourself – you will not regret it.


Source: Sito&Rešeto by www.sitoireseto.com.

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