Rethink life: What are your life traps (out of the 11 listed)?

Two life traps relate to a lack of security or safety in the family in which you grew up. That are Leaving i Distrust and abuse.

Life trap Leaving is the feeling that the people you love will leave you and that you will remain emotionally isolated forever.

Whether you feel that your loved ones will die, leave home forever, or leave you because they prefer someone else, you somehow feel like you will be left alone.

Because of that belief, you may be too attached to people close to you. The irony is that you end up driving them away from you. It is possible that even ordinary partings make you sad or angry.

THINK LIFE AGAIN – How to outgrow restraining psychic patterns
Authors: Jeffrey E. Young, Janet Klosko Translated from English by Jadranka Đerić Počuča
Publishers Psychopolis, Novi Sad / Center for Scheme Therapy, Belgrade, 2016

Life trap Distrust and abuse is the expectation that people will hurt or abuse you in some way – that they will deceive you, lie to you, manipulate you, humiliate you, physically harm you or use you in some way.

If you have this life trap, you are hiding behind a wall of mistrust to protect yourself. You never let people get too close to you. You doubt other people’s intentions and you tend to assume the worst.

You expect to be betrayed by the people you love. Either you completely avoid relationships with others, you build superficial relationships in which you do not truly open up to others, or you build relationships with people who treat you badly, and then you feel anger and vengefulness towards them.

Two life traps relate to your ability to function independently. Those life traps are Addiction i Vulnerability.

If you are caught in a life trap called Addiction, you feel that you are not able to cope with everyday life in a competent way without the great help of other people.

You depend on others – you rely on them and you need constant support. As a child, they made you feel incompetent when you tried to prove your independence.

As an adult, you look for strong figures to become addicted to them and to allow them to control your life. At work, you avoid independent moves. Needless to say, it holds you back.

In a life trap by name Vulnerabilnost (Vulnerability) you live in fear that you will soon be struck by some great calamity — whether a natural disaster, or a criminal, medical, or financial distress. You don’t feel it for sure in the world.

If you have this life trap, others instilled in you as a child the belief that the world is a dangerous place. Your parents probably overprotected you, too worried about your safety.

Your fears are exaggerated i unrealistic, and yet you allow them to manage your life and expend energy to make sure you are safe. Your fears may revolve around illness: you fear that you will get a panic attack, AIDS or that you will go crazy.

It is possible that they are focused on monetary vulnerability: that you will run out of money and end up on the street. It is possible that your vulnerability revolves around other phobic situations, such as fear of flying, fear of being attacked and robbed, or fear of an earthquake.

Two life traps relate to the strength of your emotional connection to others: Emotional deprivation i Social isolation.

Emotional deprivation (Emotional deprivation) is the belief that other people will never adequately satisfy your need for love. You think that no one really cares about you and does not understand how you feel.

You are attracted to cold and narrow-minded people, or you are cold and narrow-minded yourself, which leads to building relationships that will inevitably not be satisfactory in the end.

You feel it deceived, so in turn you get angry because of that and you feel hurt and lonely. The irony is that your anger only pushes people even further away from you and thus allows you to be constantly deprived.

When emotionally deprived clients come to us for therapy, they bring with them the loneliness that remains even after they leave the office. It is a property of emptiness, of emotional alienation. These are people who do not know what love is.

Social isolation encompasses your connection with friends and groups. It has to do with the feeling of isolation from the rest of the world, with the feeling that you are different. If you have this life trap, when you were a child you felt that your peers were excluding you from society.

You did not belong to a group of friends. Maybe you had some unusual trait that made you feel different in some way.

As an adult, you maintain this trap in your life mainly through avoidance. You avoid hanging out in groups and making friends.

It is possible that you felt excluded because other children rejected you because of some of your characteristics. That’s why you felt social undesirable.

In adulthood, you may think that you are ugly, sexually undesirable, that you have a low social status, that you are clumsy interlocutors, uninteresting or otherwise defective.

This is how you revive your rejection from childhood – you feel inferior in social situations, and that’s how you behave.

It is not always obvious that someone is trapped in the social isolation of life. Many people with this life trap are quite relaxed in intimate situations and very skilled in society.

Their life trap may not be shows in one-on-one relationships. Sometimes it surprises us when we realize that they feel anxious and isolated at parties, in class, at meetings or at work.

They have a restless line as if they are looking for a place to belong.

There are two pitfalls in life that relate to your self-esteem Defektnost i Failure.

Code Defects you feel like you are inside defective and defective. You believe that you would be essentially disliked by anyone who would get close enough to get to know you truly.

Your defect would be exposed. As a child, your family did not respect you as you were. Instead, she criticized you for your “flaws.”

You blamed yourself – you felt unworthy of love. Now that you are an adult, you are afraid of love. It’s hard for you to believe that people close to you appreciate you, so you expect rejection.

Failure is the belief that you are not good enough in areas of achievement such as school, work and sports. You feel that you are unsuccessful in relation to your peers and colleagues.

As a child, you were made to feel inferior in that respect. You may have had learning disabilities or you may have never gained enough discipline to master important skills such as reading. Other children have always been better than you.

You were constantly told that you were “stupid,” “untalented,” or “lazy.” As an adult, you maintain this life trap by exaggerating the degree of your failure and behaving in a way that ensures constant failure.

There are two pitfalls in life: self-expression – the ability to express what you want and achieve your true needs: Subordination i Too high standards.

Code Subordinates, you sacrifice your own needs and desires to satisfy others, or meet their needs. You allow others to control you.

You do it either because of feelings guilt – to hurt others by putting yourself first – or from fear that if you disobey, they will punish or abandon you.

When you were a child, you were subordinated by someone close to you, and it was probably a parent.

As an adult, you always re-enter into relationships with dominant people who like to manage and obey others, or you enter into relationships with demanding people who are in so much trouble that they can’t reciprocate.

If you are in a trap called Too high standards, you tirelessly strive to meet extremely high expectations of yourself. You overemphasize status, money, achievement, beauty, order, or recognition at the expense of happiness, contentment, health, feelings of accomplishment, and satisfying relationships.

You probably apply your rigid standards to other people and you really like to criticize others and find their flaws.

When you were a child, you were expected to be the best and you were taught that failure is less than that. You have learned that nothing you do is good enough.

The last trap of life Privilege it is related to the ability to accept realistic (measured) boundaries in life.

People who have this life trap feel it special. They persistently claim that they, for example, can do everything right away or that they can have whatever they want right away.

They do not care about what other people consider reasonable, about what is truly possible, about the time and patience that are usually needed, or about the harm they inflict on others by their behavior. They have problems with self-discipline.

Many people with this life trap were spoiled as children. They were not required to show self-control, nor to accept the restrictions placed on other children. As adults, they still get very angry when they don’t get what they want.

Source: Sito&Rešeto by

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