Read this if you dare not talk ass with your partner

For many, talking honestly about their sex life remains difficult. Even more when it comes to talking about it with his or her partner. The Guardian cherche to understand the reasons behind these difficulties.

The researcher Kitty Drake realized it. When she interviewed couples for an article in the British newspaper and sought to reassure one woman that the interview was anonymous, the latter replied: “The only person I don’t want to know about my opinion of my husband’s sexual performance is him. And he’s the only one I can’t be anonymous with.”

According to sexologist Silva Neves, these blockages are “very common”because people have “afraid to share their desires and fear that their partner will think they are weird”.

A “lack of vocabulary”

A study conducted in 2022 among 1,000 Americans and Britons revealed that the majority of respondents are honest about their sexual satisfaction. However, honesty does not apply in all areas. The same research points out that 54% of women admit to having faked an orgasm, while more than a fifth of men have lied about the number of partners they have had in the past.

The solution to allow couples to have better sexual satisfaction lies in communication: it is a question of discussing better, in particular their desires and their aversions. According to Laura McNaught, psychosexual therapist, being honest when talking about sex is not just about technique, but above all about understanding. “how his own sexuality works”.

“THE sexis the art of compromiseexplains Laura McNaught. And that’s why communication is so important. Sometimes it’s just a lack of vocabulary. In my office, I hear euphemisms, like “down” for genitals or “crac-crac” for sex.”

The importance of good communication

Finding the right words and expressions can take time, points out The Guardian. If it doesn’t come right away, that doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. “If your partner is someone who has the same values ​​as you, who you can count on when you’re stressed and who comforts you when you’re sad, then that’s good enough.note Silva Neves. If he’s not a sex god, that’s okay. You can spice up your sex life with good communication.”

It is therefore important to specifically explain his wishes. “No one is a diviner. […] It’s like when some say “I want more passion”. What does that mean?”asks Laura McNaught. Take the time to talk about it, and most importantly, reports The Guardian, not after a disappointing sexual encounter.