Time makes it easier to accept the loss of love, but besides waiting, it is best to start building a future for yourself.
The abandoned easily clings to the lost good times with the ex: sending him desperate messages, still trying to figure out why, why, why. You might get bored. Then he hangs out on Facebook, following the new twists and turns of the ex, ashamed of his own misfortune.
Acute pain can be eased if you are able to ignore your ex’s social media chatter. However, people are naturally curious and easily jealous. Even if it hurts, it’s human to browse your ex’s updates.
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However, it would be better to focus on this moment and tomorrow. A bridge to the future life should be assembled with one’s own dignity in mind. No matter what I strive for and how I am, I am valuable. And you don’t have to make the effort alone!
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In difference groups and courses, it is understandable that others have also had a bad time. Peer support helps to accept crying, heart-wrenching emotions and accept them as part of recovery.
Ask for an honest explanation
Divorce is easier if you get a realistic, honest explanation from the other person as to why they want to divorce. It doesn’t always happen that way, and it’s hard to realize that there’s no explanation for what happened in life.
Some things just remain open. Accepting this is hard if you have previously thought that you are able to control your life at least to a large extent.
In the work of separation therapy, it has been noticed that especially the men who have been left may have believed that they have acted completely correctly when they have worked an excessively long working day. I had to make money for the family. However, the wife has been left alone too much and has not been able to stand the situation.
It’s painful to say goodbye to a union when you believe you did the right thing, but it was wrong for your spouse.
Bitterness slows down progress
Even if the pain feels hard, you should avoid getting bitter. The person who gets bitter should really work on himself so that he can become you with his own collapse.
Carrying a grudge is like drinking poison and wishing the other person would die. It is best to give up dreams of revenge and the role of the victim. The person who offended you did it to pursue their own interest or to settle accounts with you. Don’t wait for an apology.
A few meetings with a therapist can also help you see the situation in a new light. You can also get help online.
Bitterness tells of distress and means that the one left is struggling with a feeling of inadequacy. He should find a reason to be satisfied with himself and his life.
You still shine!
When you’re heartbroken, it’s best to do things that calm the emotional turmoil. There are plenty of ways worth trying if you feel like you don’t know what to do.
- Meet friends.
- Go for a longer walk or a trip to nature.
- Go to the movies.
- Invite someone, even a nice-looking neighbor, over and cook.
- Take up the hobby you’ve been dreaming of. You are alone, now you have more time to do nice things.
And surprisingly, you can also return to the losses of youth in your love life. Looking at pictures of old loves, listening to their favorite songs – lingering in comforting melancholy. You’ve been through hard times before, but you survived!
It’s very likely that there are aspects of you that still shine regardless of whether you live alone or share your life with someone.
Thinking about future relationships, it’s good to remember to take care of your own well-being and the reasons for your happiness. Through the other when you can’t live longer.
Expert: Heli Vaaranen, relationship team manager, psychotherapist, Väestöliitto.
This article has appeared in Hyvä terives magazine. As a subscriber, you can read all issues free of charge from the digilehdet.fi service.
Source: Hyvä Terveys by www.hyvaterveys.fi.
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