One morning the spouse is extremely annoying and the next he is the most lovely in the world. Disputes are also part of life, and they don’t mean you don’t love someone else.
If the challenges are resolved by discussing together, the connection will be restored and may be strengthened.
If divorce thoughts often come to mind, the first step is to consider:
- Are the worries related to a single event?
- What moments are behind the dilution of emotions?
- What you want from that relationship – and life in general.
Awareness of one’s own needs can help clarify whether the relationship is in line with one’s own values and life goals.
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Family psychotherapist Nonna Huotarinen advises a good way to weigh your own situation:
- Write down 5 things you definitely want from a relationship. How do they happen on you?
- Could you do things yourself that would change the relationship in the direction you want.
Best friend and great love
Love is in the movies “love on the big side”. We are ingrained in the idea of a soul mate with whom life looks rosy.
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– Today, an unprecedented amount of a relationship is required for the parties to feel it works, a relationship therapist Tony Dunderfelt says.
The other person needs to be both a best friend and a great love that will make your toes twitch after years to come.
There is an idea associated with fairy-tale love that emotions cannot be reasonably explained.
However, love psychologists believe that love can also be valued and practiced.
Love can be practiced
People don’t get a love manual at birth, so the feeling needs to be studied as well. It is easy to get started on the website of the Population Union.
The couple therapist also discusses what elements of love are found in a relationship and what is not. Problems are brought to the table.
– If the couple is ready to practice, the future forecast for their relationship is better. If either doesn’t agree, then the difference is very likely, Dunderfelt says.
Nonna Huotarinen points out that often one comes to couple therapy only when the problems have accumulated.
– You can’t conjure love in couple therapy. However, therapeutic work can ease the difference, as those who are left also have the opportunity to understand the reasons for the difference.
Take the exception time into account
It’s also good to ask yourself if your own dissatisfaction is really due to your partner or yourself. For example, illness or unemployment is reflected in cohabitation, but ending a relationship does not fix the problem.
A crisis situation can highlight long-standing problems beneath the surface. Huotarinen points out that making big decisions in the midst of an exceptional situation like a corona can lead to erroneous assessments.
– Emotions change: they come and go. You should expect the sparkling phase to pass. That he doesn’t accidentally try to solve things he can’t solve with a difference, Huotarinen says.
Experts: Tony Dunderfelt, psychologist. Nonna Huotarinen, psychologist and family psychotherapist, Väestöliitto.
This article has appeared in Good Health magazine. As a subscriber, you can read all numbers free of charge from the digilehdet.fi service
Source: Hyvä Terveys by www.hyvaterveys.fi.
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