Belonging to the world of cicadas always in the red and spending lavishly does not only bring thrills of excitement. Oscillating between peaks of euphoria, great stress and guilt is not always wonderful. Advice from life coach Laurence Arpi, author of I stop ending the month in the open!
“Leave, this is for me!” At the restaurant, you are often the guest. And spending is one of your favorite things to do. You were the queen of online shopping long before the explosion of e-commerce with the health crisis (the number of buyers increased by 40% in the first quarter of 2020). Prime service on Amazon? You were one of the first to subscribe to it. Purchases, behind your screen or in store, give you that delicious little shiver down your spine when you go to checkout or validate payment with a single click. The temptation is permanent, even more so today with social networks and perfectly targeted advertising that stimulate your desires and constantly push you to “crack”. Even if it means keeping the new clothes with their labels in the closet for weeks …
You are undoubtedly a real spendthrift. Of those that do not count … until you find yourself in the red in the middle, or even at the very beginning of the month.
Being a spender is not necessarily negative
The good news ? It’s not necessarily your fault. It all depends on the relationship with money, especially your parents. They were thrifty, not to say stingy? You live on the opposite extreme. Has money been the big taboo in your family? If so, it is normal for you to have such a hard time considering it in a positive way in your life and seeing it as a “flow” of energy.
Rest assured, “being a spendthrift is not necessarily negative”, explains Laurence Arpi, life coach and author of I stop ending the month in the open! (ed. Eyrolles). Indeed, “being a spendthrift shows a certain appetite for life. It has a very joyful side. We“ do (ourselves) good ”while supporting the economy!” she explains.
Especially since, on the contrary, being stingy, accumulating excessively, is just as unbalanced, it is the other side of the same coin.
What does our spendthrift side reveal?
Where you need to be particularly vigilant is when the expenses come after a break-up or in difficult times. Buying without counting can then be compensation and an attempt to rebuild self-esteem with bank cards. Spending like a bottomless pit means living the present moment intensely, in pure pleasure, without thinking about the future. The big challenge of a spendthrift is to succeed in ensuring her financial security while living life to the fullest.
If you are over the top, ask yourself this question: Are my basic emotional needs being met? Am I lacking love, recognition, trust in my own worth? If one or more needs are not being met, you may feel some kind of chasm inside you that you are seeking to fill in some way.
When to worry about our expenses?
As soon as the imbalance causes anguish, guilt and stress… and a peak of euphoria when it comes to paying for yourself or for others. It does you good to “not count”. If you can no longer predict or pay the utility and utility bills, you are also in denial. Finally, when you are only in emotional expenditure (which gives you immediate and fleeting pleasure) and not in rational expenditure (I need it).
What to do to get out of it?
Learn to better distribute your expenses, your savings by keeping a small part for yourself. You have to allow yourself to spend (but less), otherwise, like a diet, you will create great frustration. If you are still overdraft, make a pact with yourself to reduce your overdraft by a quarter or half in a few months. Set yourself achievable goals and know that it is a life discipline that will take time.
The coach’s challenge : nWrite off all your expenses, from the smallest ones, like buying a baguette, to “virtual” purchases like the last order on a merchant site. Use a notebook or the “Notes” application on your phone. To note is already to take a step towards acceptance and the principle of reality. A bit like when we start a slimming diet … we start by counting all the calories ingested! And remember: ptaking care of your money also means taking care of yourself.
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