How to get Tantric sex and why we need it

Everything you currently feel and experience is not your Truth, not because you want to agree, but because of your Mind, which is involved in it all. When he becomes master, then you forget the nature of your Being.

Josif Fidanovski, psychosexual therapist and partner counselor

All the socialization of man goes in that direction, so that he builds the strongest ego, and thus be controlled by society. But if the ego is needed in development, it later becomes an obstacle to your freedom. No liberation has happened through your Mind and your Ego.

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What is the Mind? These are your thoughts, which you often cannot “restrain”, it does not matter whether they are negative or positive.

What is the Ego? It is a social performance as you need to be to be happy, which is very far from the Truth.

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That truth of yours is false, your identity false, your experience of yourself false. The real “I” needs to be reached, it has not been born yet. We all need a second “birth”, otherwise life becomes a long-term “slavery”.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Clients who come to me are often “enslaved” by their distorted beliefs, thoughts they cannot control, feelings of guilt that devour their whole being, resistances that they unconsciously create, fears that block their functionality, mistakes they have made in the past. It seems to them that they can hardly change, that they are like that – made of “bad” material.

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But the real truth is that everyone, literally, everyone has that potential for “change” in themselves, can change, however, the right understanding is needed, unconditional acceptance, abandonment of the “external”, for the sake of the inner world. In fact, a permanent break with your “dreams”, illusions.

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If I asked people how much they would like inner peace, tranquility, bliss, everyone would be in favor, but at the same time, none of them would want to “sell” things to which he is strongly attached: parents, children, money, power, fame, sex , women, tv, shopping, etc.

All this says that the ego has not yet matured, so that you can leave it.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

I have one client who comes to me for a long time, but despite my efforts to accept sex therapy in the right way, which would mean doing sexual tasks with my husband that have no direct connection to penetration (alternative things, to learn more about their arousal and control the same), he and his wife persistently, daily tried to have intercourse, despite my suggestions that it was counterproductive.

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They wanted to “head through the wall”, to shorten the time of therapy (because they also want offspring, and they entered the “critical” years), but not only did they not shorten it, but they drastically extended it.

Still, there is one good thing in all of this. During his persistent “forcing” to heal with the power of his will, and for his penis to finally start functioning properly on its own, his ego matured. With my help, he managed to become even more aware and aware of that, and in the end he started to listen, not to me, but to his inner being.

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Does that mean that our attachment (for him and his wife it was penetration = real sex) is more important than the essence that is not yet known?

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I wouldn’t say, even though it seems so superficially, it is our dependence on thoughts that hinder us from being free. Yes, we don’t want that addiction, but at the same time, we don’t want to sell it, let it go – because it seems to us that it determines us, that it is us. What we would be without those thoughts – it scares a lot.

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Whatever your thoughts, fantasies, beliefs, attitudes, good and bad deeds you have done, all of that together does not essentially determine you. Yes, it creates a certain mental structure, identity, an image of yourself, but you are still not that. You have yet to reach the true “I”.

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Is there a better way to know your inner Beings than by including Tantra, by using its supreme understanding?

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

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In principle, tantra means emptiness, naturalness and total relaxation, which we reach when we “dive” into our own Being. People have come up with various valuable methods to get in better contact with themselves, such as relaxation techniques, meditation, yoga, tai chi, chi gong, but is there a better way than sex itself?

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The nature of sex is such that it automatically puts you in the present, and tantric sex only deepens the feeling of “Now and Here”. In tantric sex, poses are not the most important thing (although they are important), but the rhythm itself, which is very slow, light, in the function of deepening the sensory focus and deeper indulgence and relaxation.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

When an erection in a man weakens, then some additional movement is made, and it continues at a slow pace.

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In such sex, touch is more important than the act itself, through that touch the partners relax more and more, and meet parts of themselves that they may not have yet explored and realized, such as peace, silence, unity and wholeness.

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Tantric sex usually lasts a long time, a couple of hours, and sometimes a day, or more days, as one continuity of deeper immersion in oneself.

Tantra is behind all categories, behind the “mind” (which includes thoughts) and “non-mind”, ie “Buddhist / Taoist mind” (state without thoughts), it is total “vigilance”, where man is disconnected from the outside world, in the sense that the same world does not determine him, nor is he too attached to desires, nor too attached to giving, nor chooses to be indifferent, but is in harmony with the inner being, calm, natural and serene, free from any attachment.

Photo Toa Heftiba

There is no division in tantra (divisions are constructions of the Mind), but she accepts every experience (she does not say it is wrong, this is good, but believes that everything is in the function of growth and development), every part of you, tantra loves you unconditionally .

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It represents the supreme learning, free from all conditioning, knowledge, ambition. In Tantra, being “nobody and nothing” is everything, like a newborn, crystal clear, innocent, empty. Tantra does not tell you to look for something in the outside world, but to look inside yourself, because everything has already been given to you. All you already have is enough, and you have a lot.

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It helps you to realize emptiness, that is the inner quality of your Being, and once you realize that, then you are liberated. Because as it is said in Tantra: “Emptiness does not need support”, which would mean that there is no need to climb for anything in life, but just allow yourself to relax more and more within your own Being.

photo Toa Heftiba

Sex is just an aid here, like some technique you are currently using, so you can do without it tomorrow. It helps you to overcome the “walls”, the resistance, everything that you are strongly attached to and burdened your inner world.

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Tantric sex helps you to see and experience yourself as a whole, to feel all the juices of life, to understand that only within your own Being can you deepen your awareness and feel your unconditional love for yourself.

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Precisely, such people, who have lost or never realized their natural and authentic Being, need it the most.

Source: Sito&Rešeto by

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