How not to kill your husband with an electric sex toy

I didn’t even think – but never say never. Many people are doing just that by experimenting with electric sex toys.

Given that many women in the UK are reluctant to use plug-in vibrators (even though they’re perfectly safe), it’s no surprise to learn that sales of electric sex toys here are relatively modest.

But that might change…

“It’s a niche market, but we’ve seen continued growth in the category across all of our sites,” says Bonnie Hall, product director at one of the world’s largest electric sex toy retailers, Lovehoney.

In fact, Bonnie says sales of electric sex toys in the US have grown by over 100 per cent in the first half of the year, and Australians are also interested – and it looks like the UK could follow.

For those who don’t know, “electro sex” is a way of stimulating the genitals and erogenous zones with a safe amount of electricity (the human body is mostly water, so it’s an excellent conductor).

A toy, or conductive pad, is placed somewhere on your body (like your genitals) to allow electricity to pass through the nerve cells.

This makes you super sensitive to touch and creates sensations ranging from pricking or tingling to a strong pulsating sensation that causes muscles to contract.

So, why would anyone do that? Because he (apparently) feels good. And because electrostimulators are supposedly great for toning the pelvic floor muscles with minimal effort (and maximum pleasure, if the growing number of fans are to be believed).

IT’S NOT ABOUT PAIN

Contrary to what it may sound like, electro sex is not painful (pleasant or otherwise). Even so, it sounds terrifying – and the kit doesn’t come cheap. Entry-level products cost around £70 and go up from there.

Reviews are mixed. Some people are current devotees:

“I felt a beautiful pulsating current running through my pelvis and a deep tingle traveling into my labia…orgasms are amazing.

“Why didn’t I hear about this before? I’m envious.”

While others are less enthusiastic:

“For me, it was a cross between a rubber band and a quick pinch. Not painful, but strange.”

According to Boni, unlike standard vibrating toys (which tend to feel good for most people), electro sex toys offer “a very unique experience that feels different to everyone.”

They’re in a department of their own – and I’m intrigued as I hear more and more whispers about how amazing they are and how different they are from other sex toys.

As your resident sex expert, says Tracy Cox, I figured I’d better shake ’em up a bit and report my impressions!

FIRST TEST ON THE ROAD

Someone gave me an electro sex toy when they first came out, but I was so busy, I took one look, decided it looked too complicated to set up, and pushed it to the back of the cabinet.

It turns out that product placement is a connect-the-dots type of thing – and I’m the most impatient and least practical person out there.

I unboxed the Daring Danny (by Mistim), which looks like a fairly large version of the rabbit-style vibrator with a few more controls.

I turned on the vibrate button – good and strong, but nothing new. So I clicked on the “impulse” button for electrostimulation on setting 1 and cautiously touched it with my hand, expecting a tingling sensation. Nothing.

Hmmm. Maybe it didn’t work? I turned it up a bit and still nothing, so I pushed the pulse button to full power and touched it again with my hand. Still nothing.

Why doesn’t the damn thing work? I grabbed the end of the vibration to see if I could feel anything on that end – and I jumped about 20 feet in the air! *damn it!

All the electrosex websites say that electricity doesn’t work like an electric shock, but if you manage to accidentally break an electrical circuit like I did, that’s exactly what you’ll get!

Taking a quick look at the instructions (first tip for electro sex newbies, read the instructions!), I saw in pretty big, bold letters that you shouldn’t turn on the pulse until it’s inserted. My fault.

However, there is no way I would have put it near any of my intimate parts now. I had a much better idea: I would try it on my husband.

TRY IT ON YOUR PARTNER / BEST HUSBAND

My poor long suffering husband is no stranger to being sexually harassed – I have two lines of sex toys and test them all. But even he was a bit wary of something that sent electricity to his most precious part (especially after hearing what happened to me).

It took a lot of persuasion and bribing, but I finally got him to try ElectraStim’s Electro-Sex Stimulator Multi-Pack.

It’s impressively unboxed: four self-adhesive pads, lots of cables, a remote, conductive gel, plastic loops that fit around the base of the penis, and a small plug that you insert vaginally or anally.

My husband took one look, turned white, and then said, “The only thing I’m going to try is nipple pads.

Three minutes later, the poor guy is sitting at the dining room table with lubricated nipples, attached pads and wires attached to the remote. Ten minutes later, he was still asking me if I was sure this was safe, so I was forced to read the instruction booklet out loud to him.

Then it was my turn to go white. NEVER USE ABOVE THE WAIST, in big, bold letters. For obvious reasons – the heart is worse! Like I said, read the instructions before unpacking these things!

“Ummm, it says it doesn’t work on nipples,” I said, ripping off the pads as fast as I could and secretly thinking, Jesus Christ! I almost killed my husband with an electric sex toy!

Research suggests that I probably wouldn’t have done that, even if I had turned on the controls, but if he had a pacemaker, say, it wouldn’t have been a nice experience!

The now even more suspicious husband finally allowed the pads on a penis that had never looked more scared, and declared the sensation “usually weird”.

But at least he was still alive.

THIRD LUCK

Days later, I still look at bold Danny and feel like I’m letting the side down by not trying old school. I had ten minutes before my Ocado delivery was due so I forced myself to try it.

Daring Danny is marketed as a pelvic floor toner as well as a sexual pleasure device. According to Mistim, the electric current stimulates the muscle fibers at the base of the pelvis, making them contract and strengthen, which improves blood circulation and enhances orgasm.

You start at the first level of the training program and progress through ten levels.

After that, there is a section in the leaflet with an almost apologetic explanation that electrostimulation can put you in a “state of ecstasy”.

With a near-kill-me-in-my-head-and-almost-killed-my-husband-through-his-nipples moment of electric shock, I did the rabbit vibration shaft thing and very carefully pressed the pulse button. Nothing. I climbed to the next level. Still nothing.

On the third level there was a strange pulsing sensation that was strange, but – who would have thought? – kind of weird.

I felt something I had never felt before, and nothing like the electric shock I felt under my arm. (I emphasize for Misti’s sake that this was definitely caused by user error on my part!)

JUDGMENT

Using an electric sex toy is a bit like getting G-spot stimulation for the first time. At first you’re like, “Stop! It’s just, well, wrong and weird! But then you relax and suddenly say, “Don’t stop!”

If the buzzer hadn’t gone off, announcing the end, I would never have stopped.