Emotionally locked people: Hiding ourselves, in fact, we lose ourselves

The most difficult thing is to start discovering them, first to yourself, and then to others, including the therapist. There are people who block their emotions, even themselves. They are in your environment, and maybe you are the person who secretly knows that there is something living in him that essentially wants to be discovered, but you do not know how it will affect you.

Anđelija Simić, psychologist

You may never have learned how to feel, and it has always remained like fine dust in your eye. Some days it becomes something that stings you, other days you think it’s all nonsense.

But the days when you feel it, you know you have to do something about it within yourself. You have to find the key to knock yourself out.

I don’t feel anything / I don’t know

It has happened to me many times within the therapeutic process that people, when asked what they feel, say that they do not know how to express it in words.

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And no matter how impossible it may seem to some of us, most people don’t even think about recognizing their emotions.

They actually know that something is good and bad, while they do not recognize the very nuances in emotions, nor their connection with bodily manifestations.

Therefore, our first task in therapy is to learn the basic six emotions universal for all people on this planet: joy, sadness, fear, surprise, anger and disgust, and to develop a network that each client will color with their experiences.

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If this is not always possible in words, it can also be done descriptively. This is a relatively mild case of emotional confinement.

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Another case of emotional locking is when a person persistently indicates that he does not feel anything. The feeling of a straight line, emptiness usually means that we have separated from some parts of us that were once unacceptable and / or too painful at the time of the event and that at one point we decided not to deal with them anymore and to push them deeply.

Emotional locking usually means the absence of spontaneity in feelings, behaviors or communication, in order to avoid rejection by others, feelings of shame or lose illusory control over one’s own impulses.

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Most often, we suppress anger and aggression, positive impulses (the need to play, the need for intimacy, sexual arousal) as well as empathy, ie we avoid getting into a state of vulnerability or touching others to talk about his vulnerability.

As a result, we often resort to extreme rationalization, pressuring ourselves to be strong, and rejecting emotions and emotionality as something that does not concern us, which is simply not us.

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In all this, we forget that we are not rocks, but people, and that escaping from what is our constitutional characteristic is, in fact, personal self-destruction.

I’ve seen some people choose a life like this. Even consciously. And that is a legitimate choice, one of the possible ones during our lives. But that life is actually a life in which we have chosen to live exclusively in one way and in which we do not develop.

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Very easily in this choice we can experience feelings of boredom, experience of meaninglessness and emptiness. Why? The reason is simple, when we open ourselves to ourselves and others, we can find new sources of psychological energy, gain new insights and consequently new states of consciousness.

Where did our lock come from?

As children, we learn how we will react and how others will react to our feelings if we express them. Our parents are our representatives of the world. If they punish us for expressing feelings, allow us to only partially express some feelings or indicate to us that feelings are a slippery slope, we will learn simple principles of learning not to express them.

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If we had toxic parenting environments, our mechanism of adaptation was not to feel or to suppress feelings in order to show that we cannot be reached, that is, to be able to survive in a given environment.

It was adaptive for us then. However, the question arises whether we do it again when someone wants to get closer to us in adulthood? Emotional locking usually goes hand in hand with the fear of intimacy, of opening oneself to another, surrendering and emotional dedication.

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As a result, the environment can perceive us as an emotionally distant, restrained, cold person or a person who is extremely rational, “old-fashioned”, a constant critical voice of reason in every situation.

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When emotional taps are turned off, my experience is that people who carry this model of functioning are often actually very emotionally sensitive and have deep emotional capacities, which were not nurtured in time and manifested in their full splendor.

“Unlocking” yourself primarily refers to giving yourself permission to feel and processing the early scene that influenced us to close today, as well as the process of re-acquainting our feelings.


Source: Sito&Rešeto by www.sitoireseto.com.

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