Emotional insatiability Sieve & Sieve

There are people who have very turbulent emotional relationships that fail to last. They are often attracted to cold and insufficiently interested partners, narcissistically self-centered who are not ready to give much, but only to take.

In English, there is a wonderful term “self-absorbed” that cannot be translated completely faithfully into Serbian, but it evokes everything that these partners are. They literally “suck” or bring everything into themselves, they are turned only towards themselves and their needs.

Anđelija Simić, psychologist

So, they choose partners who are unavailable and not always there or partners who are there but are cold. In both cases, they protect themselves from intimacy.

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This can be manifested by our partner not listening to us, or talking all the time about himself, someone who does not understand our feelings or is there for us when we need and when we feel vulnerable and who also does not show us enough on the physical plane. love.

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People who hold the key to emotional insatiability, most often feel lonely and have difficulty connecting with the people around them, and even with those closest to them.

They are “locked in” with the feeling that no one will ever be able to respond to their emotional needs, that they always need more than what is given to them, that they are reluctant and that there is no one who can comfort them, provide warmth, even though they essentially want it.

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They seem to be “locked” in a room with double glazing. That’s how I see them. Outwardly, they act like someone who doesn’t even ask for it, and when you look at things from their position, you get a feeling of loss, emptiness and one ultimate disappointment.

How do people behave in relationships with the key to emotional insatiability?

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They usually do not express their needs or do so rarely. They do not allow themselves to be a little “weak” and express themselves.

Photo by Shelbey Miller on Unsplash

So, they do not express themselves and their own needs all the time, and then after that they feel dissatisfied, frustrated, disappointed and in the end very angry, where they become distant and actually prove to themselves that there really is no one who can satisfy them emotionally.

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The combination of choice and our inner understanding of intimacy, leads to a not very happy chemistry, which usually results in unsuccessful relationships.

How does this key come about?

Every key arises in early childhood or is formed on the basis of a decision we made as a result of a traumatic experience in a relationship.

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However, it is more often the case that we enter into relationships precisely from the adopted model that we carry from the family. The family is the child’s first representative of the world, and we learn from them how to build closeness.

Photo by Jeremy Banks on Unsplash

People who carry this key most often had cold mothers (or even both parents) who failed to establish a relationship of closeness with the child, not giving him the feeling that he was really special, loved, not paying real attention to him or managing to really calm him down when it is necessary.

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You have simply learned to live in a world without intimacy, because even though you are looking for it, you will not be answered the same request.

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This can be on a very subtle level and based solely on our feelings. From the outside, the mother was “technically” able to meet all the conditions and sometimes it is difficult to detect this pattern of behavior in the therapeutic process, because clients keep saying that everything was fine.

Maybe that’s what reason tells us, but go back to the body and try to identify how you feel when you think about childhood and your relationship with your parents.

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We could say that one or both parents contain narcissistic traits and look at the child more as an extension of themselves and the satisfaction of their own needs, than a separate entity.

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This can later cause the emergence of emotional insatiability as the work of a narcissistic person, but more on that in the next post, which will be dedicated to narcissism.

Photo Neon Fire

What to do?

It has always been difficult for me to write on my blog (or live) “do this and that and this and that will happen”. Things are not so unambiguous, and even when they are, it takes time and the change itself depends on several factors.

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However, a global recommendation is to first analyze and recognize our behaviors in relationships, to notice the similarities of our choices, and then to dive into the past and see how something was formed.

The most common formation follows at the level of early decisions when we were children and on some level, we have to meet that child within ourselves, with the feelings we buried long ago and connect him with what we are doing now.

Also read this: Why do we choose the wrong partners?

We may have to give up patterns that generate extremely strong chemistry, because it becomes destructive for us and keeps us in the same vicious circle.

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In this process, which is like any other personal struggle, a psychologist can be a good guide.


Source: Sito&Rešeto by www.sitoireseto.com.

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