Does love hurt? | Sieve & Sieve

“This love is too strong, so strong that it really hurts…”, “Love must be fought for!”

Such statements about love are most often made when it comes to male-female relationships.

Aleksandra Golubović, psychotherapist of transactional analysis
Aleksandra Golubović, psychotherapist of transactional analysis

A person guided by such a belief increases the chance of repeating unpleasant experiences in a partnership. Sometimes, some people equate intense emotional experiences, accompanied by bodily sensations, which are the result of turbulent chemical processes when we are in love, with love.

In a way, a person convinces himself that he loves or is loved when those sensations are strong and thus becomes addicted to moth in the stomach as proof of love. Such an aspiration neglects the real emotional exchange in the relationship and reduces the chance for the development of a quality relationship.

Sometimes such a relationship lasts until the moment when one of the partners realizes that the sensations in the stomach that he interpreted butterflies now soothing with tranquilizers.

The first people in our lives who love us and who we love are parents, guardians, family members. By their attitude towards us and each other, they taught us how to love and how someone who loves us treats us. But are the beliefs about love that we have gained through experience in the primary family axioms of love?

What we learned about love behavior in the family later makes us feel safe when we repeat these patterns in a partnership.

If each of us is unique, how is it possible to apply a well-known pattern of behavior in a relationship between two people who came from equally unique family relationships? Whose unique pattern is appropriate in a whole new relationship? Isn’t the tendency for everyone to feel safe in their learned pattern of love relationships just a burden or an experience of love pain?

Love is a consequence of emotional attachment to another person and is always a pleasant feeling.

Love never hurts, it can never let us down, seduce us, disappoint us, but all that can be our expectations in relation to ourselves when we love in relation to the person we love and who loves us.

It is love that even then helps to overcome and realize loss.

Are you wondering – how do I love myself?

As we love ourselves, so we expect others to love us. The relationship is often reversed, we love ourselves the way we think others see and appreciate us. From an early age, they teach us what we are and what we should be. But that does not mean that we are better, more valuable or more loved. If we focus only on external messages about love, we will overhear the inner voice that sends the message of unconditional love, we will neglect the true needs and desires of what is love for us. Then our being is hurt by the prohibition and conditioning of love. We are hurt by our own dislike of ourselves.

Love according to itself it is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

– Oscar Wilde


Remark: If you want to arrange a consultation with Aleksandra, individually, via Skype, send her a message to the e-mail address: [email protected]

Source: Sito&Rešeto by

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