A year of pandemic: which lifebuoys for pleasure and love?

Are love and desire in crisis in this pandemic year? Here is the motto of the first episode of this podcast in a conversation between journalist Bernardo Mendonça and sexologist and psychotherapist Marta Crawford. Especially because with so many challenges and setbacks it is very easy for sexuality to derail. Especially in these dystopian times. And with regard to couples, intimacy can be arranged for a second or third level when there are other priorities in the family dynamics in the context of confinement.

This is what the freelance journalist Paulo Farinha, 45, reports, married to a nurse, father of two daughters, 7 and 8 years old, whose energies are now directed to the absolutely essential: the payment of bills, domestic routines, the demand for teleworking so often out of hours, the supervision of the telescope and the constant attention needed to give two young children who are now always at home. “[Durante um tempo]we were under water trying to keep the machine moving and, from time to time, we came up for a breath. Especially now that the children are at home we are under water again. And the question of intimacy for a time is thrown into space. ”

In addition to this, the new hygiene measures and the avoidance of touching, kissing and hugging, since your partner is a health professional and it is important to keep yourself safe from possible contagions. For all these challenges, for all this struggle and daily constraints, salvation is so often in a goblet well served with red wine in the evening and in sincere outbursts and without filters about anything and everything between the couple serving as relief and escape from this anguish common to all of us. And, when this situation ends or calms down, Paulo Farinha assumes that there will have to be a reconnection work between the two to recover the lost intimate time. “We have already had other crises in life and in the relationship. Things are built on top of others, but it is sometimes necessary to ground what was below. It is necessary to create conditions for a new intimacy. And to feel like this intimacy. ”

The second testimony is from Rita Gouveia, 37 years old, a beautiful, intelligent woman and certain of what she wants and doesn’t want. Single – but not celibate – she has a degree in psychology, a researcher in the field of family sociology, and here she talks about how these times have placed limits on the desire and spontaneity of her sexuality. And he mentions how he came to see approaching new partners as a danger not only for himself but, above all, for the family members around him. As is the case with your parents, who want to protect. “I was more resistant to meeting new people.” And he also mentions the gains and annoyances he has experienced with the application of Tinder meetings, and he even tells us about the adventures of his first mask ‘date’, without hugs or kisses despite the desire for more involvement. “It is true that, in some way, the risk of getting involved sexually, despite the context, also brings the alchemy of impossibility, of thrill, which makes things even more exciting.” Rita ventes how much it costs her to feel her innermost wants, corseted, regulated, embarrassed. However, the way he expresses his desire has not changed radically. “I don’t feel that I started to do more sexting or that I started to consume more pornography or that I masturbate more.”

At the end of this episode, it is suggested that you read the book “Foder, do que que nos você sobre os sexualidades”, by the Spanish writer, translator and teacher Bel Olid, published this year by Pergaminho publisher. It is true that the work uses the letter “F” in the cover title, which can generate anti-bodies, because they will know the most attentive that now the most filthy titles are the ones that sell the most. But the book is honest and intends to simplify the act and ‘attack myths, prejudices and shame’ and deconstruct, in fact, many false ideas that society insists on perpetuating about sexuality. The starter hook is immediately inviting: “The vast majority of people live sexualities conditioned by expectations, prejudices and taboos that imply that we are hearing a number of voices, except the one that matters most: the voice of our own body, our own pleasure, and the desires and pleasures of the person (s) with whom we experience sexuality. ”

Next Sunday there will be a new episode with a new topic to discuss and new testimonies. Until then, if you want to share your point of view and personal testimony for one of the next episodes – or just decide to comment on what you saw or heard and make suggestions for themes and approaches – don’t be shy and write to us. [email protected]

This program features the capture and audio editing of Marco António and the producer 366 Ideias; video production and editing by Rita Pinto, Rui Alves and Place – Audiovisual Communication; the art direction, graphic design, creation and development of the program’s website has the signature of the duo Vasco Colombo and Raquel Porto, the + Dois Designers; the photograph of the logo is by Tiago Miranda; and the generic song is an original creation by singer and songwriter Rita Red Shoes. The production support for this podcast is from Corine de Farme.

Read and find out more at www.muitomaisdoquesexo.pt

Source: Expresso by expresso.pt.

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